BlowBack^TM future post date: July 20, 2008

Latest Terror Attack Reminds Americans that Muslims Want to Kill Them; Homeland Security Proposes More Surveillance

Despite the implementation of the Homeland Security Comprehensive Terrorist Surveillance System a year ago, DHS's nationwide network was unable to prevent the suicide bombing yesterday of "Maxie," the world's largest goose statue in Sumner, Missouri. The blast, while wounding no one, destroyed the primary tourist attraction in Tallahatchie County and was a shock to America's consciousness--reviving fears of America's vulnerability to terrorist attack.

According to newly-appointed Director of Homeland Security Gen. Michael Hayden, the System, which records the phonecalls of all Americans in the more terrorist-laden "Blue States," should be expanded in order to prevent future blasts at American tourist sites. "This sort of thing shows that Americans are allowed to make too many unmonitored communications with each other. If we want to prevent the next blast, we need to give up more of our privacy in exchange for the safety of what we hold dear." Sources close to the National Security Agency say that future plans may include random searches of homes and waterboarding of suspected terrorists in hotbeds such as Massachusetts and Maryland.

President Bush noted today that, "a vicious attack upon a landmark such as Maxie cannot go without response. If the killers think they can attack our fiberglass geese without retribution, then I say bring it on." Military plans are currently being compiled by the Pentagon's Office for Special Plans in preparation of airstrikes against key Iranian migratory bird habitats.